Sunday, April 20, 2014

If you want something done right...

Never send a man to do a specific task.  That sounds counter-intuitive.  You'd think that the more specific you are with what you want, the more likely he will be of success.  Simply untrue.  If you are dreaming of something and you have a picture of it in your mind, you will need to be very careful in your instructions.

It's not that he's incompetent or can't get it done.  It's not that at all.  What happens is that after he departs to do the task (fetch something from the store, run an errand), he will decide that what you told him is not what you really wanted.  He will decide that, since he's a problem solver, he will get you what you really wanted.  What you would have wanted if you'd known it was available.  Something better than what you asked for.  Perhaps you had subconscious desires that you failed to communicate.  Perhaps instead of Tide, you really wanted Cheer.  It's on sale, and you like a sale, right?  Perhaps instead of depositing to checking, you'd like it in savings.  You do need to save, after all.  What a great man he will be when he returns, victorious, with the thing you didn't even know you wanted.  Men are problem solvers.

Perhaps instead of going to the bagel shop and buying your favorite bagel and toppings, he'll go to your least favorite grocery store and buy bacon.  You like bacon, right?  Never mind that you said specifically, "Go to XX Bagel Shop and get me XX Bagel.  That's all I want.  That's my heart's desire.  That's what I'm having for breakfast."  When he returns with bacon, he will explain that they also had bagels at your least favorite grocery store, and no, he didn't get your favorite topping, and no, they don't have the good kind of bagels at your least favorite grocery store.  But he is already cooking the bacon, and a good man he is indeed, because it's already cooked for you and you don't have to do a thing.  And plus, he also got bagels.

I have learned to be very specific with my wishes when sending a man (any man) to fetch me something specific that I want.  I explain the size, the brand, price doesn't matter.  If they don't have that brand and size, please don't buy me something else.  This is all I want.

Alas, today I forgot.  I am having bacon and inferior bagels for brunch.

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